Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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