i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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