There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
