trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
