When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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