I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
