I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
