I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
