i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
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We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
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Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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