It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
