I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
