I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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