I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
They left me at home... I'm a liability
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
