Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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