hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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