Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
