I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
