Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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