Soap is not a condiment
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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