i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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