That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
