so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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