She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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