Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
