the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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