Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
