I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We need to get me chipped asap
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
