Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
