I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
