Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
