I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When did angry sex become our thing?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
