I met the friendliest cop last night
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Randomize
