I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think a kid would responsible me up
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I have so many feelings about this burrito
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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