Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
