We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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