This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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