So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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