I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
