be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
