P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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