We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
As shirtless as possible
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
