It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
