If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
