saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
