I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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