Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
