Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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