Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
