I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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