I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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