I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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