I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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