i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
