I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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