toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
