he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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