I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize