OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
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We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
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I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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