someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
