why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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