so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You made out with two different species that night
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
