I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
