We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
