sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
