hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
