i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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