cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
