I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
