if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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