If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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