Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
