i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
