Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
