just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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