nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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