I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
